The Artist

Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Q: “how do you want to be remembered?”
A: “as someone who did the best she could for the talent she has.” (JK Rowling)

The last guy I fallen love with, asked me once, "Will you stop when you're marry and have children?". At first I didnt get what he meant and asked "Stop doing what?". "Doing whatever you doing now", and for me, he referred "living as artist". Half of me feels so shocked, but half of me admitted I am quite passionate artist that has a very free soul; I answered; "I simply invite my children to my art world, and we'll make art projects together". I dont know whether my answer satisfied his question that time but; he's not here now.

The other past guy even said to my sempai--she then said it to me; "I'm not sure if an artist  could be a good mother." He referred to me.
That line killed me once. Being a good mother is something that I do always feels afraid to to be fail at. I lost my career-woman mom when I was 15, how much memory do you think that I have include motherhood? not much. So yes, I'm so insecure whenever people talk about being good mother or even good mannered woman. So the fact my Dad grow me up this past 13 years, I grow my character self alone this 28 years, I dont know much about please-ing caring girly character, I built my character just to survive. Coz really I need to be survived in this life even since I was a kid.

So the fact now; I'm artist. I wont change my self definition, when I know it's already in my blood. I dance and sing. I make films, novels, blog, vlog, and other form of art. I'm shining out and never think to go into cardbox and hide myself. I'm own myself. I'm going to have my art studio even when I have my grandgrandchildren. I won’t be with someone who made me shine less.

Tell you the truth, I kinda surprise with how negative they see artist. I once spent my time an artist companion, and I saw how proud he would be if I'm shining out my shines. And I were so proud of him every time he made new art. It's our way to cope life harshnes. Some blood hold something and to against it, I see it as a sad thing.

So it seems I already choose my path. I know I wont see some of them along the way. But I do pray I will met you there, my life partner..