My Lovely Bule

Monday, July 16, 2012

Busying with live and passion—just cleaned up my house for 3 days in row XD I thought that I’m content with the loneliness. Well, the perfectionist side of me only gives me two options, which is lonesome OR content. So haven’t yet found the contentment, I decided to feel content with my so-called loneliness. Well, I’m not feeling dreadful lonely or such, but yet, yes, I usually have someone to argue with (beside my Dad, he might be tired arguing with me, hoping that I would find someone else to argue with. LOL). This couple months, I’ve been arguing with my only brain. I call THAT lonelinessL

Anyway, back to the story, yesterday I dreamt about one of my ex. This might sounds weird but, 70% of my ex is my bestsoulfriend nowK so yes, we’ve been checking on each other updates, and I do know his updates, and he knows mine. No, it’s not like that we’ll back together or such, some of my ex have gf and wives already.

So this ex location is far away. He’s busy. I’m busy. He has gf, I have… singingthumbelina (lol) To make the story short, I’m not in stage of thinking of him—at all. But I do have to admit, I have several intense love story, and with him, it was pretty intense. I almost forgot it until last night.

Last night in my dream, he came by to my house, dazzled everyone (my friends, my sister)around with his charming personality. And when everyone kept asking whether he’s my bf, he answered, “No, I’m not his bf.  I’m going to marry with MY gf,”. That answer doesn’t make me surprised at all. I know he’ll getting marry with her, the thing that bother me is: “he came by to my house, dazzled everyone (my friends, my sister)around with his charming personality.” Just to announced everyone that he is going to marry someone else. THAT IS WEIRD. I kinda mad in the end of my dream.

I kinda feel sad too. He is one of the men who know me well. This dream might be some clue about how I would feel if I heard marriage news from him. It’s pretty dangerous to think why I didn’t fight for him back in the days, but, I must admit, I do appreciate him, but maybe not that much.

So I guess, I won’t be so wounded when his marriage news arrive. Well I don’t know. I guess still, a little. But let’s say, I want the best for both of us. And I feel us, is not the best for each other.

This girl appeared in my dream last night. She is my alter-ego.
I made this with Maroon 5 – Payphone
No matter how much I did love you. Dear Boy, I do have limitation in me, in live, in love.

 Forgive me, for not wanting you that much.
But as you can see, I bleed; I injured myself when I pushed you away.
I just hope that you, still wish me best like you used to do.


colson said...

Being in love with - or even being married to- one's entrepreneurial project is rather smart in a capitalistic world, I would say :).

On the other hand some occasional romantic reminiscing, including a few pangs of melancholy, can be (bitter-)sweet and sound experiences too. I for one wouldn't have wanted to miss them. I have to confess that, though I'm happily married to the love of my life, I've also had a few moments of sweet memories of my teenage crush(es).

Anyhow. The intriguing part to me is the word "Bule". I assume he was Japanese:).

By the way: judging by the drawing your alter-ego looks almost as good as you do :).

Meilina Utomo said...

\(^0^)/ I rather let the reader (and him) wondering who is it I'm writing. LOLOLOL.

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