Human and Jealousy (babbling alert)

Sunday, August 5, 2012
Her boyfriend looks so cool and handsome, they also looks like lovebird especially on twitter. You got jealous and wished you’re the one that got him.
You don’t know that she’s got couple bruise as her bf got anger management issue.
Do you want to get beat up? No? you just want the “handsome rich guy” part?

She looks soo happy after her marriage; a husband that always drop and pickup where ever she goes. Ohh not forget the baby bumps. Owh you’re so jealous. Wished that you’re married too.
Ever heard about the Scary Mother in Law? Not all mother like yours, you know. Some just scary, and she has the scary mother in law.
So? Do you want one too at your house? Oh No? you just want the drop and pickup part?

This topic is mostlike the “gossip” topic that I seems cant see why some just find the excitement and content while talking about other people (even worse, other friends). Jealousy.

I’ve been on the top of the world. Some that I remembered triggered some hater. I’ve been the highest organization position that some just want it for I don’t know what, prestige, well-known, and all the other weird thoughts. I got chosen by the board. Not elected by the people. I got scholarship to Japan. I got (brave enough to) resigned from my job and have home-scale business.

Not everyone knew that to be at the top of the world, you just have to eat some sh*t. That’s the balance. I studied at 2 faculty in my campus when I got that organization position. Do you ever image how I eat? How I sleep? Go to campus at 9 morning and got home at 10 night. Not to forgot the assignments. One night I simply thought that I’m gonna die, since I got cramp all of my body and my stomache were killing me. Do you know how it felt when you’re working your butt get all things done, you got your fellow-bastard, quitly set up a trial, and trap me in, that discuss all of my failures? Beyond hurt, I was mad.

Some people just went WAAOOO when I went to Japan and begin to ask how I got the scholarship. I explained, but some just too lazy to do things that I’d do my self, and begin whinning to ask more than I can give. I said no. Why did I say no? I believe everything need their survival force, getting a scholarship is quite hard, you skip that hard part, you will not survive the next part since it’ll get harder. It’s like throwing someone from helicopter to everest mountain, and drop dead for the next hour coz his body doesn’t adjust the level. You can predict what I heard or what attitude I got after I say no.

I have plenty whinning saying, “ah you’re so lucky got to Japan, I wished that bla bla” they chatted that on YM when I just got home from my part time job. My boss assistant just toyor(poke?) me in the head coz I dropped some coin when I hold the cashier. For a daughter that my parents never physicly punish me, that felt so emotionally painful. Do you know how it felt, having no rice in your house for straight 2 days, you got to stayed over friends apartement, coz they love the company, I love free dinner?

Some harsh said, just because I didn’t reply their YM quickly enough, said, “you know, you got so snoob after you got to Japan”, bet they didn’t know I just walked 5km on 5celcius degree just because I don’t have money to buy ticket bus home, answering YM is not in my hit list that time. Bet those people just cant imagine how it felt like, working on factory, standing your feet off, from 6 afternoon till 3 in the morning with one hour break only. Bet they just don’t know how it felt to have high fever alone in dark -1 degree apartement in Januari with warmer blanket only, cant go to the doctor coz unlike your other student friend, you don’t have health insurance coz you cant afford the monthly, you constantly praying you’ll not die, just because die in Japan will cost my family one million yen, not because of the pain itself. I bet they just don’t know that.

I hate it. I hate it when people whinning their *** like they’re the most miserable people in the world, they begin disrespect to other people, they become labeling other people, just because they think they deserve being bad.

I, even with what I have been through in life, I must’ve been the most crying teenager (well at least in radius 10km?:p in in the whole world) for my puberty went along my mom sickness, but I never wanted to be or to born as other people. I know that I’m strieving to have better life, but never to “want other people life”. Simply coz I don’t know whether I’ll survive his/her life. You can never imagine what is behind those smiles. Include you can never imagine what I’ve been through behind these smile I have.

Some old friend just recently said something hurtful to me. I thought, must’ve been hard, her life, what she’s being through to attack me like that. Must’ve been hungry! But those harsh words she said, her prejudice she said, I asked her to keep and hold it. I will not to defense myself. If the whole world thought that I have an easy weasy life now, I’m not going to change that point of view. I may able to write past struggling I have, but writing for the present struggling I have, just feel like a whinning to me.

I’m strieving, thriving, that I can ensure you. Everyone is struggling with their own issues in the past, now and then. SO PLEASE PEOPLE STOP WHINNING and declare that your life is harder. We should feel the struggle to our bone instead, and write a book after we got succed:3 seriously, everytime I feel so down, even when I’m dying in Japan, I comfort myself by remembering, “I WIL WRITE THESE ON MY BOOK ONE DAY” lol. I maybe tired, I maybe cried, I maybe angry, but I know I’m going somewhere and these level is needed. Include NOW.

So yesh, these is my writing teraphy. I’ve been trying to see the logic of these human, society. Sometimes I feel so detach, but sometimes I feel so lonely. How can I attach if some just to hurtful to bare? I don’t want to get used to that whinning attitude, harsh word and thoughts, just because I could say it afterwards and feels no guilt about it. I won’t be one of the devil-circle.

Skies are crying, I am watching 
Catching teardrops in my hands 
Only silence, as it's ending, like we never had a chance. 
Do you have to make me feel like, there's nothing left of me? 

You can take everything I have .. You can break everything I am 
Like I'm made of glass . Like I'm made of paper 
Go on and try to tear me down 
I will be rising from the ground 
Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper 

As the smoke clears 
I awaken and untangle you from me 
Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed 
All my windows, still are broken, but I'm standing on my feet 

Go run run run I'm gonna stay right here 
Watch you disappear yeah 
Go run run run yeah it's a long way down 
But I'm closer to the clouds up here 


colson said...

Wow, some life story indeed!

I can't but agree that life is tough for those who accomplish their mission in life - which is exploiting one's talents to the full. The road to success is lonely sometimes but whining is to no avail.

So, let's quote some lines form the song:

"I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper"