My Guardian Angel

Friday, December 7, 2012

I must admit, I made this illustration week ago while I'm sick, when my phlegmatic blood became a melancholy one:3 I've been hesitated to upload it since the mood was gone, and I can't simply explain this illustration easily.

Well, to begin the story, there I was last week, woke up sick, felt a bit confuse, trying to boost my mood with Katy Perry's song and I stumbled upon on her video Wide Awake. Well, I heard it on radio several time, but never seen the video before.

And to make the story short, I was intrigued when the little girl shows up. Just like some people, I feel that have her too in my life. She is me when I am 9 or 10 years old. So then, I watched the video with more attention on details. Too much attention, without warning, I started to cry when that little girl walks ahead the older Katy--who is crippled on her wheelchair, and defends her from the beasts. So yes, there I am, crying for that only 10ish second scene.

I have her too. My guardian angel. My conscience. I don't really know why I see (chose?) her, at her age, to be my guardian angel. There were times, maybe 5 or 6 years ago, when I tried to write her down into a character novel, but my tears couldn't stop flowing after 4 or 5 paragraph, so I stopped. Maybe I wasn't ready yet. Maybe because I just found her at that time. And I feel so damn inferior to her. At least that time.

I see her as the collected me. The brave one, the forgiven one, the smiling one, the easy one, the soft hearted one. Yet she is the most persistent one, the firm one. I kinda envy her. Yet she is the younger me.

I'm growing up. I'm trial and error. I'm adjusting to this world and to my age. But yet she's still my home base. It's sad to admit there are times when I lost her voice, I lost my conscience. Times when I'm so stubborn and persistent doing, holding, feeling things that I should've not. Most of the time, when that harsh time come, I stop and try to hear myself. If I'm not hearing her, it means I'm getting too far, I'm getting lost. And I need to hear her voice to get my way back.

It might sounds weird to some, but I bet some of you know that feeling :)
Anyway, I'm thankful to God for her. My guardian angel. My conscience. 


Isa said...

It's cool that you think of your conscience as your guardian angle, instead of a separate entity. And I just for the life of me could not get this song out of my head a while ago, so I'm going to not watch the video again!