This picture brought so much melancholy feeling for me. I took this pic in summer 2007 right after I moved out from campus dormitory to downtown apartment. Well, my apato wasn't literally at downtown though:)) it's at another hill (my dormitory was at the Jumonjibaru hill). I feel that moved out from campus dormitory was when the true struggle began. I began to worked on several baito places, include on camera factory on summer holiday, I went home at 4am!. I struggled with the bills and income. I struggled to stay healthy since I cant afford the monthly health insurance. I bearly had social life that time. I cried alot. I feared of death alot (die in Japan will cost your family alot--bringing your corpse home), well no kidding. I saw several Indonesian passed away there, so it was alot of dzikrulmaut moment for me. BUT beyond the bitter, this place brought the best version (so far) of me. I can't imagine how myself would like, if I hadn't gone there.
I graduated as social science bachelor. I always couldn't imagine myself working on Japanese business company/ banking, so I build up another side of me portfolio, which is the artistic side. I remember I applied for copywriter position when I applied on internship at advertising agency, since my graphic skill was still sucks (well... I'm not saying I'm best now, but at least I much much better than that time XD) so the advertising director who interviewed me said, "So, I see you familiar with photoshop? Our art director just resigned yesterday, so you'll handle the art section". And the hectic began. I had no senior art director--beside the senior art director at other division--whom I cant always nagg to. My skills was almost zero, all I can do was retouch photo that time. But yeah, I survived. I browsed alot of tutorials and see alot of youtube tutorial, instead having a senior who tell you want to do. LOL.
After I graduated, working as a creative at magazine also helped me a lot to improve my graphic skill and be more familiar to printing and publishing. Although I always have this lack of confidence if I see the work of the real Communication Visual Design students--who spend their 4 years really studying design. But I always calm myself saying that I also have it, the will, the skill, the talent, although I must try abit harder than those who graduated from Design field. The same story goes with Illustration field. I must admit, I haven't go there yet--the place where I really comfortable with my illustration, but I feel much much better now. It's quite... challenging for me to add "illustrator" as my definition. It's still long way to go, but at least, I know where to go now. The one thing that I still can't fluently say I am, is I'm a fashion designer :/ I have clothing-line, but I wonder if that automaticly makes me a fashion designer? :/ creativepreneur, maybe. fashion designer,,, err.. I'm not sure--yet.
Anyway, there are times when I feel abit unconfident about what my "graduate title" and my career path at. I mean, a B.Soc.Sc doing freelance graphic illustration and clothing line while my friend working at Japan or at Japanese company in Jakarta. I mean, their salary is O,O even for me. I'm still abit scare about the fluctuative income, but most of the time I pukpuk myself saying that fluctuative also means beyond the employment average salary--sometimes. So the up and down is simply the risk I must take, since I chose this career path. I know the key is to know to jungle the jungle. LOL.
So anyway, after giving birth to SingingThumbelina half years ago, I know I have to go back to the freelance path, so I launched my website to be more active at freelance again, and did you remember I said about I'm waiting for the project that has been offered to me before? I really want to thank you guys who sent all the sweet good luck message for me:) I havent got that project yet, BUT I got the bigger one, Alhamdulillah XD I was so happy when I got the offer I was like "OKAY!" at once. LOL. The project is kinda big, so it will take alot of my time, so I wont be able to do a preorder type of selling. I'm planning to be more focus on ready stock and also open an offline shop *yeay!:) I'll share the ready stock on facebook still though. I have aloooot of ideas for SingingThumbelina spring collection =D so excited, so excited!
It's been more than 5 years since the picture is taking, I have alot of ups and downs, lack of confident, a lot of fear, insecurity. But I do feel grateful that I didn't stop. I learnt to not saying that "Oh maybe I made the wrong turn" or something, coz I feel, all the journey we had, have, will have, is something that we just need to through it and go to the next place with a better feature. Although still, planning and prepare is something that we must do, we cant just really go with the flow without any planning in mind. Know what our values are, and what we're good at, and wherever life bring you, you just have to hold on even a bit of them. Don't let go, coz we might need it later.
I'm sorry for not be able made the 2 last week of January SRT :( I promise I'll make up for something better.
So anyway, this blog is about my passion journey, so I think I must share about this topic, so you know,, You're not alone. LOL. every us had/has been/will be confused/scare at some point. Just stay strong, and keep going, we'll eventually through it. We just have to be more faithful to the process :) Gambarouu! Minna!!