Shud be sleeping coz I dun feel well since I couldnt sleep until 3 oclock in the morning last 'night'. I feel abit dizzy but my eyes feel like they had been hit by caffeine so I cant shut it close. So I decided to make a quick catarsyst writing that I havent done in years here. Btw, yes that's my old illustration, but I reedited it and endep up loving it, and I think it deserves to be blogged.
Despite how 'love'ly the illustration, I feel like this post is gonna be a gloomy one. You know, sometimes I contradict myself in my way of thinking. I try not to ask WHY in life, but I do always try to look the brightside reason about the facts. For me, asking WHY about your life, sounds abit whiny. So dun know since when, I stopped to ask WHY, I just pray for strength and wisdom to through it. Whatever life has for me. But sometimes, I couldnt helped it. I want to ask WHY. I want to whine even if I know no human could answer the Why question. But most of the time lately, I ended up just pray for the strength and wisdom. And let the WHY burried down under.
Beside the "unable-to-be-answered whys", there're other WHY that human COULD answer. They could answer with their reason, or I might say, their excuses. Which in some level, I dun want to hear that. Either it would hurt me so or, it would full of blaffing and justification. Both I dun want to hear. I dun know why I ended up growing up that way. Left things unsaid, accept things unsaid. I just accept that it did happened and I need to figure out how to survive, to be okay about it. I dont know whether this is good or not.
Then I ended up practicing my own reasoning skills. Try my best to get it on the positive thinking area. Try very hard not to get the imagination too drama. Try not to give people justification they dont deserve (unless they deserve it). So. yeah it feels too heavy and confusing sometimes. I kinda wished I can just whine it out. But. I just cant, even inside my diary. I cant write the full WHY question.
for now, I just wish more wisdom to understand things out, and maybe a bit bravery and patience to hear other excuses..
Oh well, I guess Welcome to the growing up madness, Mey:)